First of all, I wanted to thank you all for constantly being my support, and for lovingly being so. I also want to congratulate those who have courageously opened up, and to encourage those who wish to do so. Your words mean the world to me, and I’m happy to know that I could inspire you in any way. So thank you.
I’ve been posed the question a few times (I’ve posed the question to myself as well, don’t get me wrong), “How do you push through even when you feel as if everything is pushing you back?” It is important for me to note here, as I normally do before I go into an “answer” part, that I am not an expert. I certainly fall as well, and its a work in progress for me too. With this in mind, I will try to answer the question to the best of my abilities, with the little knowledge and experience that I have.
There are a few ways that I’ve heard of that can help: some people think of hope for the future, some to prove others wrong, some to rise up and be an inspiration to others, and some others attach themselves to a loved one. Some people choose one, two, or other combinations, and some people choose none. I think that each person needs to choose every single reason they can find because YOU (yes, you!) have every reason to continue on, to push yourself to succeed, and to thrive. And even if you don’t find one, or feel as if you can’t find one, know that there IS a reason – there ARE reasons – for you to continue pushing on.
++ HOPE: There will always be hope. Have you looked outside your window? The opportunities are nameless for you … there are countless people for you to meet, countless of places for you to go. You DO have second chances, or third, or fourths! (etc!) No one can tell you when to stop growing except yourself. YOU are the one who controls this. You are the one who tells yourself to keep going, or to try again, or to give up.
- Many people know this, what I’ve written above, but they ask the question “is there hope for me personally?” The answer is yes!! If you look at yourself, and stop comparing yourself to others (easier said than done, am I right?) No matter how many times you start over from a blank plate, the mere fact that you have this opportunity to start over is a sign of hope. And you CAN start over, because once again, YOU are the one who is controlling that. What it all comes down to is if you’re the one giving up, you’re the one limiting the hope … that which you were so worried on if you had. Don’t let yourself down, live and believe in hope.
++ Proving others wrong: This one is hard, because I don’t think that this should be one’s only striving factor. I think that yes, this is something that drives us, however, to prove yourself wrong should be the main drive. If you really think the only thing driving you is that you want to prove to _______ that you’re not a weak person, or that you can succeed, then look at yourself and prove yourself wrong first. If you think that the only reason for you to succeed is to prove people wrong, than focus on yourself and prove yourself wrong. Do it for you, not for them.
++ Be an inspiration to others: Again, yes, be an inspiration to others…But be an inspiration to yourself!! Don’t lose yourself in others. It is SO easy. But can you truly give yourself to others if you’re not giving to yourself too? This is something that I’ve struggled with personally. I’ve always wanted to inspire people, or to help them, however, I realised the hard way that that cannot be done unless I am also giving time to myself. If I’m not truly making an effort for myself, how can I show someone else how to do the same? If I keep fixing the broken pieces of others with my own broken pieces, when do I fall apart? I’m not saying to put one aside while you work on the other, but they should be on a journey together.
++ Attach yourself to a loved one: Again, yes, but you should be your own loved one as well. However, with this point, I wanted to write about something which I hold close to my heart, on the topic of self-love/self-worth. Because when one doesn’t have these two things, and you attach the value of yourself/your life to a loved one, what do you do when that person lets you down? Or what do you do the moment you don’t feel love?
- I can tell you now that my previous difficulties have stemmed from this particular problem, that I had no sense of self-worth, or had no idea how to love who I was. I would try to lose myself in helping others, and this was how I received my sense of self-worth. However, at the end of the day, I would feel empty. My sense of self worth ended up relying on others, and what I could do for them, rather than where it should stem from, myself. I’m not too sure how I came to this point, to thinking so little of myself, but I can tell you that to my parents and family that was so important to teach us … so I’m not sure how I lost it along the way, but I did. At this point you’re no longer even a nice or generous person, you’re in a way doing everything for yourself. And if you can’t find anyone to help, then you bring it out on yourself and the vicious cycle continues. After a while, your self worth completely relies on others, and if they need you, then that means they love you, and if not, then they don’t. You want to be able to help the person, because you love them, and you believe that you can bring something to them and give it to them, without any benefit for yourself. Even if you’re telling yourself that you love them, and that you want to give them something, you might be masking the insecurity behind…that you NEED this person to need you, otherwise your self worth goes away. This is not right. You should love yourself and give to yourself, and then also love and give to your neighbour.
Many people take their lives today with the idea that they will not be missed. They have this idea that leaving their family or friends behind won’t be a big deal, and that it will phase them very little…or at least, not for a very long time. My darlings, you don’t know how much you’re worth to them…and how much you should be worth to yourself. Just because they’re not showing it explicitly right now, does not mean they don’t love you. Just because they don’t need you right now, doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Just because you’ve been through a hard time together recently does NOT mean that they don’t love you. Love isn’t something which just leaves one day and springs up the next….love stays. I want you to be able to wake up every day understanding how much you’re worth, and how much love you should have for yourself, just as I want that for myself. Every person wants happiness, and strives for happiness, but that shouldn’t be found in another. Your happiness is not subject to someone else’s happiness. Every single person has a dignity, an identity, a worth, whom deserves happiness like everyone else.
Have Hope | Prove to YOURSELF | Be an inspiration to YOURSELF | Love YOURSELF
Love,
Zélie