~ most of you know me as a lover of Paris. I’m constantly craving the scents of that familiar city : to sit in a cafe and hear the Parisians bustle about , to wake up every morning and rush to the bakery to choose which pastry I want (I’ve been doing that since I was a little kid!) to soak in the small art shops and vintage book stores . . . but there is something underlying it all now, which draws me nearer and farther all at the same time.
Where is the borderline between connection and obsession? Where is the line between love and pain? Where do I stand, dangerously crossing the lines?
I’m still torn up inside, and its been 2 years. I constantly find myself to be weak, to be pathetic … how can I still be dwelling on such a thing? How can I still lie awake crying some nights, how can I still become paralysed with fear, when there’s nothing surrounding me thats dangerous?
That’s when I have to remember to change my mind around. This is all to remind me that I am strong. I am going through it, I am coming through day by day. When I make it through a panic attack , I shouldn’t focus on how I was weak enough to have one. I should focus on how I CAME THROUGH it and how I am willing to stand back up and continue on. I’m not sure how long , maybe my whole entire life I’ll be dealing with this , but if I didn’t have something to test me how could I be proud of myself and who I am ?
Sometimes when things happen to us that we don’t understand we end up blaming someone , someone else or even ourselves … often times we blame God. But I think if we look at it in this way , the world is giving us an opportunity to become proud of ourselves, to love who we are, then we can make it through.
I’m not trying to say its easy , because it certainly isn’t, but what is ever given to you easily in life? You must work to be great. Lets become great together. =)
XX — Je vous aime, mes chers.