Whenever I’m inspired I want to write. But it seems that every time I start I cannot finish or if I finish, I never publish it. I don’t know if its insecurity or if its that I’m not happy with my work. I have this thought in my mind that people are under the impression that I’m searching for attention, or worse. I have this thought that people think badly of me, and if I continue writing it will only get worse. But that’s pride. There will always be people who don’t like me, and there’s nothing that I can do to fix that. No person, no matter how wonderful they were, were loved by everyone. I can’t change myself to be loved by everyone, so, how do I change my perspective? Well, I wish I knew the answer! Truth is, I’ve been trying to for years now, but I will continue on doing so. Everything is a journey and no journey is easy. There is always hardship accompanying you, but when you continue through it, it shows just how strong you are.
I am writing to help myself, but also to hopefully help my readers, in any small way that I can. So, I apologise for not sharing with you over the past few months. I will attempt to be better at it.
I just recently got back to school after a very long and much needed break, where I had time to think and get back on my feet. Though, I ended up relapsing and dealing with much emotional damage. I wished every day that it would get easier, but it didn’t. I searched for a way out, but came to the conclusion that I just had to take the slow way and work through it all. Instead of ignoring it, as I normally do, I had to pay attention to healing. I have this tendency to push everything away and “keep busy” so I don’t need to focus on myself, but that is so wrong. You need time to think of yourself, to see how you’re truly doing. Its a scary thing, because that means coming back to certain memories or certain habits and trying to work through them all over again. But if I can do it, I know you can do it too. I’m not saying its easy, it isn’t. And it won’t happen overnight. I’ve still got a long way ahead of me. But I’m convinced that since I started, and have continued, there will be good things waiting for me. And I can’t wait to see what’s ahead.