Addiction.
I deal with an addiction to affirmation or positive reactions from people about myself. Unfortunately, I’ve built myself on this in the past. Every single persons thought about me defined me. I’ve strove to get people to accept me, to love me…But you know who’s opinion I never cared about? My own. It didn’t matter if I loved myself or cared for myself, which I haven’t.
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I never put myself first. Or if I do, the struggle that I experienced to do that is prominent.
I can’t say no, especially at moments where it counts.
I need you, but I don’t want me.
And so much more …
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How does someone start to care for one who they’ve never truly cared about? How do you pick yourself up and teach yourself love and importance? How do you begin to invest time in yourself and your self awareness??
Why do people’s comments matter so much, when they shouldn’t?
People will always talk… and there will always be negative and horrible things said. The important thing to focus on is that you and I don’t deserve them, and that we shouldn’t let them have such an impact on us. The dirty looks or comments, the being put as a second option, the dragging a name through the dirt, the gossip and tarnish of your name… I don’t deserve the lies. I don’t deserve to be used as a tool for your happiness or pleasure. I don’t deserve to be the person you go to when no one else is left, the “last option.” None of us do. It’s important to realize that there will always be circumstances that aren’t fair, or that we don’t deserve, but we must put our focus on not them, but us. Because when we give these such an audience, they consume us. These words and opinions try to burrow themselves into your own idea of yourself, and unfortunately, they often succeed.
A message to you my loves
You deserve goodness, love, peace, and happiness. You deserve to be cherished and prioritized. You deserve to have true friends and others who mind their own business. You deserve to be respected.
It’s never easy to change ones self around, even if it is for the better, and we know so. Ask anyone who is dealing with addiction, how hard it is to stop.
This particular addiction that I have is actually not rare. I know some of you reading this can relate. And I’m so sorry, because you deserve so much more than life support from other people’s opinions.
Today the world is focused on beauty, in all shapes and sizes , and we often times shout this movement, but do we do so when it comes to ourselves? Do we find ourselves beautiful in all of our quirks and imperfections? Do we find ourselves beautiful amongst our sins, amongst our mishaps? Are we humbly reaching to the core of ourselves and being happy with who we are? Do we love ourselves as we should?
Are you happy?
If you give other people’s opinions way too much focus, know you’re not alone. And know that I’m right here trying to change that also, and my arm is stretched out ready to help you through however I can. I believe in you. And one day I really hope that you can believe in yourself.
Xoxo