dear readers,
you’ve been in my thoughts often during this pandemic as it’s been really hard on a lot of us for so many different reasons. i’ve had plenty of time to myself and i haven’t written to you all, and i’m sorry for that. there have been so many moments where i wanted to write something to you, find out how you all are doing, tell you that you’re not alone but i couldn’t. as you all know by now i’m a huge over-thinker and lately i’ve been spending a lot of time working through that. having been quarantined, being in a new home and being out of work has given me way too much time for that. i didn’t want to write something to you that was a product of my overthinking, but something from my heart. having that said, i’ve been learning to be accepting and thankful for this time rather than be negative towards it. The reason being is that I have never been able to grow so much or learn about my habit of overthinking than right now. today, for a message from my heart, i have two thoughts that i want to share with you.
the first message is: take the small victories.
i’ve been so hard on myself these past few months because of how much time i had, and yet i still have so many things i haven’t started or perfected. i told myself i’d work out more, i’d write more, i’d be a great cook at the end of this (ha, you can ask my boyfriend about this one) and so on… the truth is, we all had expectations (or have) for our time at home…expectations that we might not have fulfilled perfectly, or even started. i’ve focused on this so much though, that I began to look towards myself negatively and didn’t give myself any room to look at the things that i did grow in, certainly not the little things.
i am not trying to tell you all that you shouldn’t strive for bigger things, or hold yourself accountable and push through to your goals. you should. life happens when we push to be the best version of ourselves that we can. i merely want to remind you that everyone fails, no one is perfect, and you can succeed in big things, but also in the little things too– and that these little things should make you just as proud and happy. just because you didn’t fulfill one of your goals, doesn’t mean you didn’t learn along the way, or maybe learn something completely different. set your mind to push for greatness, and celebrate every little victory as if it was greatness, because in reality it is. growth is great, no matter how big or small, whether it was planned or unplanned.
my second message (simply said for the headers sake) is: sadness is okay
this one is catered more so to those who have suffered with depression in the past. i believe that every person can learn something new in everything, though, so feel free to continue anyway! …
through my growth over the past few years i’ve been able to pinpoint certain feelings, emotions, and patterns which come along with my depression. as i’ve been healing i’ve been attentive to those and monitor them as much as possible to help myself not fall deeply again. through this pandemic i’ve been overwhelmed because it seemed like they were coming back, and i was trying to fight these feelings and emotions away . . . i had to remind myself of a very important truth, though:
these feelings, emotions, and patterns are not bad. it is how you allow them to make home in your being which affects you negatively or positively.
because of my pointed focus on these emotions i found that i have often been pushing them out, trying to subdue them before they were able to develop. every time i’ve started to feel sad or melancholy i would try to busy myself or every time that i was tired or my mind was clocked out i’d try and force myself up. even if i didn’t realize it, or do it purposefully, it turned into my natural inclination to avoid falling into a deep depression again. i had learned to associate and identify these with depression. i began to realize this, however, and had to remind myself that these feelings and emotions are normal, and that everyone experiences them. it shouldn’t be about shutting them down- everyone feels sadness, everybody needs a break. sadness is necessary sometimes, and even healthy, and being human means being able to feel this way. we shouldn’t try to become some type of “super human”, instead we should instead teach our bodies how to feel this way in a healthier way. we should integrate these feelings and emotions into our lives.
i think it’s an easy thing to do, to shut something out when we’ve had a bad experience with it. especially when we’ve worked so hard not to be hurt by that one thing again. but… its also okay to feel sad, it’s okay to clock out for a little bit, its okay to be anxious. just give yourself the time to acknowledge these and allow them their time. its about finding the middle ground – not about shutting them out.
with these little thoughts i am also sending my love to every single one of you.
remember to celebrate the little things!!
xx,
Zelie