The most important thing to know about how to even begin talking about the topic of suicide and/or suicidal thoughts/tendencies etc., is that it affects so many, even those you’d never suspect. I have been proven wrong on so many occasions by just supposing that “person a” would never be going through it. Your coworkers, your family members, your friends, acquaintances, church members, the homeless man on your street, that celebrity you look up to, etc… it could be any one of their difficulties in their lives. I picture the concept of a suicidal thought as a dark thread sewing through the world, the needle piercing through as many people as possible, bringing them under a dark blanket. Sometimes one can get so lost in the blanket, feels there’s no escape, and looks for a drastic way out.
I am a survivor. I have not actively decided and attempted to take my life, but the thought to has crossed my mind a few too many times in the past and I have certainly done things which could have resulted in the loss of my life. I won’t get into details of those instances because I can’t see them producing any result except being triggering to my readers, but it is enough that you know it has been on my mind. I cannot describe to you how I felt on those occasions because there are truly no words to. The only picture which comes to mind that I could paint is that of a dull submission to pain, when one steps out of the light.
No one knew at the time – I had never told anyone. But this is exactly the reason why it is so important for me to share — because people are aware, but not aware enough. We know that it affects some in the world, but are we really aware that it could be someone in our life, even if we don’t actively know about it?
I remember pondering with the idea of putting myself under suicide watch, but then I told myself that there was no actual danger because I was too scared to take my life. I also didn’t want to put school aside or any of the other things at the time that I deemed more important than my mental health and stability. Was that the right thing to do? No, and I know and knew that. I was foolish because what if I wasn’t strong enough one day to do away with the temptations? What if one day I wasn’t scared anymore?
A note to you, loves, it is not a weakness to go to someone for help, or even to put yourself into a hospital. It is strength – you are rebelliously standing up against the darkness, you are taking control over your own body and wanting for it something better. This act of defiance is beautiful, really. And I am sorry that I did not realize this at the time that I needed to.
So, what are we to do with this awareness? Here are just a few ideas that come to my mind as I’m writing this. (Of course, there are infinite small ways in which we can foster a loving, accepting, and helpful community.)
For one, we can strive to be more supportive, more loving, and more attentive to our neighbor’s needs and feelings. I will not pretend that I’m an expert at this, in fact, in many instances I’m a hypocrite when it comes to this. I look for what I want and need, but lack the giving aspect as well. But if we all try our very best every day, and I mean the truest form of trying, than I believe we can already make a better community to live in.
A small way to do this would be to educate ourselves on small things such as the awareness of different personalities and what the different love languages are, maybe other people need different things than you do, and give differently than you would. Maybe others take words in a stronger meaning than you, and your jokes are hurtful to them. Maybe even though your friend knows you’re busy he/she is just aching for a message saying that though you’re busy, you’re thinking of them.
Another would be instead of passing by your neighbors and not looking in their direction or looking down at the floor, smile at the stranger passing by, meet their eyes with a kind face. It goes an incredibly long way. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “even a smile can change the world,” well, let’s see it.
Be genuine and heartfelt about knowing how someone is. When you ask “how are you” make sure that they know you mean it, because often times it can be meant and taken as just a mechanical response to a hello. Take the time to listen to their response, and let them know that you’d give them that time.
Be grateful about your life. Remind your friends and those around you why you’re happy with your life, or what you love about life …provoke them to respond and have them be inspired by your responses, or have them search for their own responses.
…and so many more. Today should be about really taking the time to think about the small changes that you could make in your day that you believe could help.
I am happy that I survived that time of my life and I am now able to share part of my story with you, the story of a survivor. And while doing so, I will be trying to lift up that blanket for you, as I try to hold it off myself as well. We can do this, you and me. <3
Let this be the last awareness day where we read but do not change. Let this be the day that we change the little things in our lives and try our hardest to be supportive in all the little things we do.
as an ending note I’d like to stress the importance of reaching out to a friend or professional if you’re feeling depressed or suicidal in any way. Please know that you can. I did not share my story today to show that you can go through this alone — I shared my story to show that these thoughts and feelings can affect anyone, but I should not have tried to go through it alone.